Tired? of DWIM? Really?

Another day, another whatever. I think I'll go watch things explode. I am sure there will be lots of that on the 4th. I just love fireworks. I used to try to get pictures of them, but now I know it's more fun just to remember them. I remember my first fireworks show - I hid under a blanket, peeking out with my ears covered as things kaboomed in the sky overhead. I learned from that experience that loud things are not always fearful, and that pretty things are sometimes very transient.
  • Current Music
    Bach

Things in the Hayer

Just as Prahjecked was about to schedule a meeting with the stakeholders, he received an email CC from one of the Sales "Engineers", Hayer Auld, instructing one of the subcontractors that it would be wise to start purchasing equipment needed for the installation. This would have been a great idea, if indeed the equipment would ever get used on the project. There are a couple problems with this, though. No funds have been committed to the project, because there is no project plan for the project because the requirements for the project were never documented because no one wants to commit anything to paper. Hayer was essentially telling the sub to start on a project that didn't exist anywhere, except in Hayer's mind. Actually, the equipment that was verbally specified was at least 100% overspecified, and would cost the subcontractor at least 3 times what was needed for the completion of the work. If the subcontractor had done as Hayer suggested, he would have started investing way too much money way too early in the project, and ended up not being able to justify the cost to anyone's satisfaction. On top of that, with no contract in place, they would have no one to go to in order to recoup their losses. Prahjecked was about to fire off a critical email, but instead picked up the phone and called Hayer. Hayer insisted that he was only doing what Prajecked had agreed they should do - start getting things on order. While Prahjecked agreed that they had said these things needed to be done ASAP, it was certainly not wise to have subs start spending money that the company had not committed - indeed would not commit - until after there was a coherent project plan in place. ASAP does not mean "now," it merely means As Soon As Possible. If you have a Hayer Auld on your project, be sure he speaks the same language you do. Hayer's actions severely damaged the relationship between the companies, making it very difficult to negotiate later. Now, there will be less time and personnel to work on stating the requirements for DWIM, and more effort will be devoted to damage control with the sub.
  • Current Mood
    exhausted exhausted
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Prahjecked Mah Najer and DWIM

All project managers know that the success of their project depends on the quality of the requirements that drive the project. Many of them still do not act like they believe this, however. Prahjecked, the manager in charge of the DWIM project is having a little trouble with this issue, as a matter of fact. "They" keep coming up with requirements that read like this:
1. The DWIM will be relatively easy to use.
2. The DWIM will enhance the average computer user's experience.
3. The DWIM will always do the right thing.
4. The DWIM will respond with prayer, in the event that it can't figure out what the right thing to do actually is.
5. The DWIM will be aesthetically appealing, perhaps even beautiful, except in the cases where it can not be, in which case it could appear to be ugly and misinformed, or even malformed and malnourished.
6. The DWIM may respond TO prayer except in the event of a system crash, in which case it will simply cease to exist altogether, unless it can decide for itself that the system has not crashed and then continue to function.
7. The DWIM will be free.
8. The DWIM will be able to run on any operating system written in any language on any computer located anywhere in the world. (As an example, it would correctly decode the meaning from the following phrase and do exactly what it meant: "Hp givl upitdr;g om yjr sdd/".)

Prahjecked's head is reeling with the implications of that last one. There are so many unanswered (unanswerable) questions embedded in these basic stakeholders' needs. He's going to have to call a meeting to get better definition from each of the stakeholders. The meeting will be scheduled as soon as the stakeholders can be identified. Their names came in encoded as, "Upi ,r id smf yjrm". Prahjecked is not into ciphers, in fact doesn't really know the meaning of the word, and is kicking himself violently in the artificial kneecap for not asking contributors for their phone numbers when they called to yap their ideas at him.

Tune in next whatever for a possible nother installment in the ever reeling fantasy of DWIM. Next session's subject is likely to be Yap Engineering.
  • Current Music
    dee dee dee dee dee
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GO!

I guess in order to call this a journal, you have to post entries to it. Hmmm . . . I never was very good at writing journal entries. I always get bored with myself after a few entries, and stop posting. So - to get started, I have decided to interview myself, asking poignant, probing questions about life and history and my opinion of the world and its place in the universe. This could all be much easier if I could find a computer with the DWIM (Do What I Mean) interface. Then I could input all sorts of messages in raw text without getting carpal tunnel syndrome from too much keyboard usage. I have asked my son and nephew to finish this invention several times, but neither of them seems to think it's possible. "The technology is just not there, yet." Probably never will be - and that's a good thing, too, when you think about all the stuff that could go wrong if the machine really did you you really meant. Think of all those times you muttered to yourself, "Well, I'll be buggered!"

Tune in again next whenever for an enlightening exposition on project managers.

o-fotos

Got a package yesterday from my ex-wife, mother of my children. In it was a stack of paper, concerning genealogy, and some historical documents from my parents' families. I will be putting them away with the old photos and slide from my father's collection, along with my own for the day that my descendants become interested in hardcopy. If I have enough time before I die, I might make a project out of digitizing the old film stuff.

So far, the film has a longer life than the digitized storage. Some of these negatives are over 50 years old, dating all the way back to 1947.